Why you should stop trying to be the perfect mother. Discover how to approach motherhood and pregnancy with a healthy attitude for yourself and your child. Let’s revisit the notion of the perfect mother ” and what it encompasses. What is a perfect mother? Why do women strive to be perfect mothers? And is it even possible?
The perfect mother harmful myth
Each person has their own limits, and perfection’s not of this world. Resigning oneself to not being the perfect mother means first accepting one’s limitations and relinquishing the illusion of maternal omnipotence propagated by society. The myth has crumbled; the perfect mother doesn’t exist, and Wonder Woman lives only in comic books. Moreover, every woman needs to let go of the idealized image she had of herself as a mother to become who she truly is, and to accept herself with her fears, her flaws, her doubts, and her talents.
There’s no need to feel guilty when you know there’s nothing worse for a child than a very good mother. Why? Being completely fulfilled by your child and spoiling them entirely would be harmful, because the child wouldn’t seek to learn about and discover the world and other people. The child would remain attached to their mother, which would be detrimental. Yes, for their own good, children need to discover the world around them, go to daycare, visit grandparents, and so on. Taking a weekend break to take care of yourself shouldn’t make you feel guilty; on the contrary, the child can and should learn to live without their mother, just as the mother needs to do the same.
How can I stop feeling guilty?
A good mother puts her children before herself, a good mother is always patient, a good mother never gets angry, etc., but what if all of that weren’t true? What mother hasn’t heard that little voice in her head telling her she should do this or that to be a good mother? No, maternal instinct doesn’t exist, and maternal behaviors aren’t innate either. So, we must accept that we won’t be the mother we thought we would become, but also that we won’t have the child we imagined. So what should we do? We must work on being a good enough mother for our child(ren), be the mother we want to be, and not the one society expects us to be.
Being a mother isn’t all fun and games, and far from the image of the perfect woman, happy and fulfilled by her children, you can betiredYou might be worried or want to question yourself. Being a mother isn’t easy, and during maternity leave, a new mom can feel incredibly alone. Some myths about the perfect mother persist: that a mother is completely devoted to her children, always knows how to handle any situation, is always available, never loses her temper, remains patient, and does everything to make her children happy.
Being a mom: tips for pregnancy and motherhood
Embarking on motherhood, being pregnant, or becoming a mother can bring many challenges. However, it’s important to understand that while motherhood isn’t always easy, it also offers many lessons and wonderful moments. In fact, we recommend keeping the following tips in mind as you navigate this stage:
- Practice positive self-talk: Many mothers may feel insecure at different times during parenthood or pregnancy. You must remember that being a mother doesn’t mean being perfect. In fact, striving for perfection will only bring you frustration and discomfort. Therefore, you must allow yourself to learn and make mistakes. Above all, you must treat yourself well and nurture your inner dialogue. Try speaking to yourself with positive words and complete compassion.
- Accept your body: It’s normal to experience many changes in your body during pregnancy, childbirth, and the first few years of motherhood. In other words, you might gain weight or feel less energetic due to these changes. It’s perfectly normal to feel insecure in the face of all these changes. It’s important that, as a woman, you try to stay positive about all these changes.
- Take time to connect with yourself. Pregnancy and motherhood can be very overwhelming. For this reason, it’s essential that you don’t neglect yourself and that you also dedicate time to yourself. During parenthood, it’s very common for women to become so focused on caring for their child that they can even neglect their own self-care. This is a mistake that shouldn’t be made: the emotional health of the mother is just as important as that of her child.
- Communicate with your partner or loved ones: If you are with a partner during pregnancy or maternity leave, you will likely feel the need to communicate some of the feelings, problems, or insecurities you are experiencing. Faced with these feelings, you should try to have open and honest conversations about your emotions and how you are coping with this stage of your life.
- Don’t forget to rest: During pregnancy and motherhood, getting proper rest can be very difficult, especially in the first few months. Faced with these changes, you may feel frustrated by not having the energy you used to have. For this reason, you must try to find breaks and rely on trusted people to give you these moments to yourself and disconnect.
- Ask for what you need: Being a mom also means learning to communicate what you want. Saying exactly what you need will help you enjoy these stages. While asking for help may seem like an obvious thing to do, it can be difficult to communicate when you’re exhausted and/or overwhelmed by the responsibilities of motherhood or pregnancy.
- Go to therapy: If you feel you don’t have the necessary tools to cope with pregnancy or motherhood, it may be wise to seek help from a therapist.pr ofessional psychologist therapy, you will have a safe space to communicate about what worries you or is affecting you during these stages.
But what does it mean to be a good mother?
A good mother is always a happy and fulfilled one, because what we project is the best expression of our values, and that’s what we want to pass on to our children. How does this translate into everyday life? A mother listens to her children above all else, she’s interested in what they have to say, and she makes them feel important. Children will tend to behave with maturity and will thus build their own value system.
A mother knows how to stay positive, encouraging progress, giving hugs, and praising her children. Rules and reprimands are essential and in no way prevent a mother from being good; this is also part of raising children according to her values. A mother also knows how to give space (both emotionally and physically) to the father of her children, because it is this father, even if he doesn’t have (or doesn’t dedicate) much time to his family, who will be the one to separate the mother from the child to open the child up to the world.
It’s important to be kind to yourself and your children. Mistakes happen; you have to be able to forgive yourself for lapses and apologize sometimes. But you also have to be able to stand up for yourself while respecting yourself and earning respect from others. You have to know how to say “no” and accept that you might disappoint your children sometimes to enforce the rules. Respect is something that is taught, and knowing when to discipline is essential for guiding your children toward happiness.
Taking care of oneself remains essential; a mother must nurture and pursue her passions. She can even share them with her children, whether it’s singing, painting, reading, sports, or traveling. This is a great encouragement for children, allowing them to discover what motivates them as well. So, as a mother, finding balance remains a goal, a way to grow and be ever happier. Teaching children to get back up even in difficult times, giving them the tools they need to become fulfilled adults—these are goals every mother strives to achieve. And you, what’s your secret to being an amazing mother?
